Sometimes, a woman must stand up straight and tall and bear the harsh blazes of fate that blow full in her face and try not to flinch.
She - I - made only of flesh and bones, a human will and some dash of spirit, seem ill-equipped for those days that are especially daunting and arduous. Lately, there have been many of them.
On those days, especially, I would like to enlist the aide of a goddess, a really powerful one, a mythological and mighty female, a fleshy and intelligent and feisty being who is larger than life and oh-so-competent and resilient.
She could step into my shoes and keep doing the daily stuff in my stead; she, strong and agile, possessed of a crafty humor and a vibrant, energetic spirit, could act as me, while I, wan and sallow, take to pillow and blankie for a few days. I could stay quiet, and think, and pray (haltingly and somewhat begrudgingly) to something greater than myself, until I could resume my place in my own shoes.
People would be sure to notice the change. When I was at my actual lowest and most lost, I would seem to others to be at my shining best, thanks to the goddess in disguise who was being me.
That's when I need an influx of supernatural power - when tragedy strikes, and circumstances overwhelm, she would know just what to do - just as surely as I do not.
Failing a transmogrification, perhaps, at least, she could whisper wise and powerful words into my whimpering psyche so I could get strong again and get up again and go on, however haltingly, as me.
Today I walked through town for the first time in a week. I've been holed up in the hospital with someone I love and cannot help and it has kicked my ass. It has humbled me and hollowed me out.
But today the June fog receeded in the afternoon, and the sun sparkled off the fringed palm fronds, emerald green, and I walked.
In March, I made lots of promises and predictions about the coming year. Brave words, and lofty intentions, all.
In reality, today, all I can do is the best I can. I have no savior, no goddess in waiting. I have only me.